Monday, October 28, 2013

Repeating history

You know how sometimes, you're listening to a song, or you hear a phrase, or a voice, and it sends you into the past, a flashback to something it reminds you of?
You think so?
You have no idea.


We're sitting in my room, things calm for once, listening to my iPod on shuffle and relaxing for once in our chaos-filled lives. A song comes on, I get a feeling in the back of my mind that I should turn it off, a warning light, I ignore it, we're fine right now, why disrupt the peace?
"Repeating history and you're getting sick of it"
"So we've been outnumbered, raided and now cornered, 
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair"
I see his eyes widen, he jumps to turn it off, but he's too late, my head feels like it's gonna break open, I sit up and almost double over in pain, he catches me, but I've gone stiff, there's nothing he can do now.


It's about a year ago, inside I know it is, but it's all the same, I'm back in the past, repeating history. And yes, I'm getting sick of it. There's a different boy sitting next to me, I can see the greedy look in his eyes. At the time, I thought it was for me, I knew I had to get out of there anyway, but I was so wrong, it was so much worse.
It was for money, for the price on my head that at the time I had no idea about.
The scene changes, for half a second I'm back in the present, only because another wave a sharp pain shot through my head, but I'm thrown back to a different place in time.
My hands are tied behind my back, a gag in my mouth, I see the people around me like I'm watching a movie, none of it seems real, but it feels real, as real as it did the first time it happened. The men around me are arguing over whether to use me or kill me, I stopped listening a long time ago, it's too painful.
A hole explodes in the ceiling, 10, 20, 30, and more people rain down around us, the fighting is immediate, I see fists and feet flying all around me, and everyone looks the same, I can't tell who's who, and for a moment, I'm forgotten.
Someone breaks away from the crowd, he's younger than the rest, I know him. He's the boy sitting next to me now, but I knew him then, I didn't know what to think, but I really had no choice.
He cuts the bind on my wrist, then looks at me and puts a finger to his lips, warning me to be quiet, before untying the gag on my mouth.
I stand and look at him, my eyes wide, unsure of what to think, he doesn't waste anytime, he grabs my arm and pulls me around the men fighting until we're right under the hole in the ceiling. A ladder drops down next us and he pushes me toward it.
I feel like I'm in a trance, but I climb the ladder and he jumps on behind me, but I don't look back. A few rungs from the top someone grabs me and pulls me onto the roof, dragging me toward the helicopter waiting not far away. They shove me on board, I see him climb on behind me, I feel lost, scared, and confused, I look at him waiting for any kind of explanation.
The door closes and the helicopter takes off as he collapses on the seat next to me, he looks at me for a few seconds before saying, "Confused?"
I shake my head, "Well you just won the award for understatement of the century, are you gonna tell me what's going on?"
He shakes his head slowly, "Can't. I want to, but I'm not authorized to tell you anything, my dad will"
I don't want to accept that, but I know he won't elaborate so I just sit in silence.
My whole body shudders in pain as the vision fast forwards, I can feel  his arms around me, trying to comfort me, but it won't do me any good.
I'm sitting in a building I don't know, next to a boy I thought I knew, facing a man I had no idea about, his father.
"Alright" The man says, "I guess I should explain what's going on"
"Yeah", I agree. "That would be helpful."
"Well I'm not going to sugarcoat this, so let's get the worst out of the way first, there are a lot of people like those, people who either want you, or want you dead"
My whole body shudders, but I don't say anything.
He goes on, "The reason being, that you are... special, your whole family is, and a lot of people know that, you come from a line of people who all possess some kind of power. Some were incredibly useful or incredible, others were seemingly useless, it doesn't matter to these people, they don't want any of you around" 
I nod slowly, somehow it doesn't surprise me much, I've lived in foster homes my whole life, my parents died when I was young and no one would tell me how, I've always felt like I was being watched. Apparently I was right.
"What about my sister?" I ask, "How come nobody is after her?"
"They would be," He says "If anyone knew she existed, someone from our business found her years ago, not long after your parents were killed" Killed... figured as much "They rewrote her life, she started going by a different last name, and because she doesn't look much like your parents, nobody could tell who she was. We weren't able to get to you in time"
I knew what he was talking about, the one time me and my twin sister had been separated, we'd been kicked out of one home and on short notice, they couldn't find anyone who would take us both, they put us with different families until they found a better place, it only lasted 48 hours, apparently that was enough time to protect my sister for life.
Maybe I should be jealous, but I just sigh, thankful that my sister was okay, even if I wasn't.


The vision ends suddenly, a sob escapes my mouth before I'm even fully conscious and tears stream down my cheeks, he pulls me closer to him and I bury my face into his shoulder, crying into his shirt.
It doesn't last long, it never does, I'm able to pull myself together and stop crying, but my whole body is shaking.
"It's okay," He says, "It's over."
"No." I say shaking my head, "It'll never be over, there'll always be a price on my head, I'll always have these stupid flashbacks, and there'll always be people who want to kill me, how is that okay!?" My voice rose more and more as I spoke, I was shouting by the last word, but his face didn't change, he watched me calmly until I was finished, then put his hand on my leg gently. That was all it took, I snapped out my trance and collapsed into his arms.
"Sorry." I muttered quietly.
"Don't be." He said back.


Do you like???
Should I continue?


Saturday, October 26, 2013

Gone, Gone, Gone - Phillip Phillips.

I adore this song, all because of this girl. Thanks girly, I looooove you!!!

When life leaves you high and dry
I'll be at your door tonight
If you need help, if you need help.
I'll shut down the city lights,
I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe
To make you well, to make you well.

Enjoy ♥


Friday, October 25, 2013

Ups & Downs {#9}

-thumbs up-
I learned how to do the cup song :D
Getting stuff for my Halloween costume
Getting excited for the fall retreat with my church... Eeeeep!!!!
This girl telling me this song reminded her of me... Don't cry, don't cry... Yeah I'm crying.
Sewing and DIY-ness :)
My birthday's in less than 3 weeks!
Realizing my friends might know me better than I than I thought... :)

-thumbs down- 
We don't have Christmas bags finished and dad leaves on Tuesday and ohmigosh panic mode.
My friends are moving next Thursday D:
Meeting the Kizito cookie lady and getting to talk about Uganda... and free tshirts! :D
My costume stinks but whatevs.
My daddy will be gone for my birthday :(
The fact that this girl lives in Florida is a thumbs down everyday of my life.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Allegiant -- It's over *No spoilers!*

Well y'all, I finished Allegiant.
I totally realize that does not sound excited in any way, and that's kind of how I feel right now... Empty, lost, confused, blank. Not only because of the book or the ending, but because this is... the end.
Let me explain, I read Divergent and Insurgent at the same time almost exactly a year ago, since then I have been anxiously and somewhat impatiently waiting for Divergent #3, turned Allegiant. In that year of waiting I experienced so many different emotions, 
fangirling like I never have before
agonizing impatience
excitement beyond anything I've ever felt for a book
joy every time I saw someone reading it.
I did so many things to make my wait easier- and yet harder at the same time.
Fangirling, that's a given.
Imagining, writing my own perfect ending to the story.
Recommending, Divergent and Insurgent to everyone I could so that I would have fangirl buddies.
Jumping up and down and dancing every time I heard any sliver of information on this book.
This last year has been fun, and painful at the same time. That wait was enjoyable yet agonizing. Those last few days before it came out were bubbling with excitement, and torture.
I got the book.
Yesterday around lunch, I got the book.
I rejected all human contact and denied the desire to eat, I read and read. We had friends over and while I was sitting in the kitchen, all I could think about was the half-read book sitting on my bed. I stayed up until 11:30 reading and then...
It was over.
It is over.
That year of waiting, all led up to this.
And it's gone.
And that day of reading, was what I had spent a year of my life waiting for.
And now it's done, the characters I have begun to call my friends, will never play in my mind again, everything after this will be left to my imagination, and I don't want to imagine it, because I'm not Veronica Roth, I don't know her characters like she does, I don't have any guarantee that anything is true or real, there are times reading the books that I want to scream at them to do or say something else, but they're not my characters to control.
To think that this amazing chapter of my life is coming to an end is too much to think about, I understand we'll still have the movies, I'll still have friends to fangirl with even later, I'll still re-read those books many, many times, but never again will I be able to have the anticipation of reading and not knowing what will happen next, of shock and tears and laughing out loud.
How could that all be gone?
When I finished the book last night, I cried, sobbed, stuffed my face in a pillow, held the book to my chest, threw it across the room. No book has ever affected me this way, sure I've gotten teary eyed, and lived in a daze, even when I finished Harry Potter and felt like there was a hole in my heart it wasn't nearly this bad. I don't cry over books, but I couldn't stop sobbing. To the point I felt like I should be embarrassed but I wasn't, these books were such a huge part of my life and now it's over, gone, just like that.
After I finished I didn't know what to do, I got online for an hour and a half, all-out ranted to my cyber-twin (ummm, do not read that comment, spoiler-central) and sat online until past 1 AM to attempt to flush everything out of my system. At first I sat there blank faced, refused to laugh, my eyes clouded with tears over and over but I refused to cry again.
The most intelligent sentence I cam up with this morning was, and I quote
"Book. Done. Gone. Bad"
And that was after I slept in until 10:30 and my brother came to wake me up, I was curled into a ball clutching my blanket, refusing to get out of bed.
So much happened that I couldn't bring myself to understand or approve of, the ending was beautiful and heart wrenching, and now it's over.


And in case you were wondering, I did dress up for faction day yesterday, but was stupid and forgot to take a picture for y'all, but I dressed up as an Amity and wore a red long-sleeved shirt, a yellow scarf, and faded blue jeans. :)
Today my shirt perfectly represents how I'm feeling today... 
Webcam photo.. :/
I got this beauty in the mail yesterday, thanks Heather!!!!!!!! I love it!!!

Well there's a tear-filled rant from a teary-eyed fangirl.

Love you all, 
read with caution,

Monday, October 21, 2013

"Has it really been a year?" - A friendship anniversary

As you can probably tell by the title, today is a pretty freaking special day.

One year ago today marks the day me and a pretty stinking awesome person first started talking, otherwise known as our friendship anniversary or - as I like to call it - Friendiversary.
(So I may or may not have guesstimated the exact day, it's hard to find on Pinterest!)

Who is it you may ask? Well I kind of talk about her a lot, as she is the awesomest person on the face of this Earth, it's miss Heather :D

So yeah, that's pretty freaking exciting... RIGHT!?! Yes.

A brief summary of Heather's awesomeness would be: She is kind, funny, beautiful, amazing, awesome, nice, dependable, an incredible friend who is always there for me, and just downright lovable.

I went into a little more detail in a guest-post over at her blog *here*, but even that doesn't even come close to what an awesome friend she is, I couldn't be more thankful that she is a part of my life.

In an effort to express just how grateful I am for this last year, I put together a little video.

(I freaking uploaded that video ^^^ to Youtube to make it easier to put on here only to find that it wouldn't show up on "My Youtube videos" or in the search bar and now I have to upload it on here.. mehhhhh)

It's kind of hard to believe we've been talking for a year now, technically we really became friends around January since that's when we started e-mailing, but after much searching and stalking Heather's Pinterest, I found that it has now been about a year since we first started talking.

It's been fantastic, we've emailed, talked on the phone, and Skyped a few times. Every time we laugh our heads off and it's basically the best thing ever.
There have been times when I basically just couldn't take it anymore and e-mailed her with a full-on rant, she listened (read...?) and helped me more than I could ever ask from her.
I can only hope I've been half as good a friend to her as she is to me, Heather I love you to death. Thank you for always being there for me :)


P.s. I've been reading some of our old emails and I feel like I'm gonna cry, such amazing times <3

Friday, October 18, 2013

Ups & Downs {#8}

-thumbs up-
My bestie got the letter I sent her and she called me and screamed in my ear, it was fantastic.
Packing Christmas presents for our lovely Ugandan kids <3
My cousin's birthday party tomorrow, loooooove them!!!
Pinning.. pinning... pinning... Mostly Divergent and Percy Jackson ;)
Finishing House of Hades... AMAZINGGGG

-thumbs down-
My aforementioned bestie does not live in Kentucky. Mehhhhh.
Freaking and stressing, trying to get the present done before October 29th 0_o
I forgot to bring red and yellow clothes so I may not be able to dress like my faction Tuesday D:
I see no down-side to this one
Finishing House of Hades... FALL 2014 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT RICK RIORDAN!?!?!


I'm at my grandparents house right now so I'm not very active online right now and probably won't be until Monday or Tuesday, anyway, love you all!


Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Could it?

I'm a dreamer.
I daydream all day everyday.
Usually good.
Sometimes... not.
sometimes it's too much.
Trying to figure out why I'm stressing myself out
about things that I made up in my head...
They're not real... right?
That would never happen... would it?
I can't help but worry
that it could actually happen.
If I don't think they could ever happen,
why would I ever have thought that to begin with?
Is there some truth in what I think?
Could it happen?
Would it happen?

Monday, October 14, 2013

An invitation

So recently I have been talking to the beautiful miss Mackenzie (I've missed her!!! It's so fun to talk to her again :D) about her and her beautiful to-be husband, Ansel.

I told her I would be more than happy to plan their wedding, as long as I get to be a bridesmaid.
We have been discussing rainbow colors and mac & cheese and happy bread, it will be a marvelous wedding.

We have decided that Mr. Elgort will wear this suit:

Along with a beautiful lavender tie.

So today I would like to invite all of you lovelies to celebrate with us at the Mackansel wedding.

The beautiful Rosie will be maid of honor and I shall be... (wait for it) Epic bridesmaid! 

we hope you will join us on this most joyous of days.


P.s. if any of you have any information on the best way to find Ansel and bring him here for the wedding, please let us know.

Friday, October 11, 2013

ups & downs {#7} // updates of sorts.

-thumbs up-
Today is my baby cousin's birthday, can't believe she's 3 :O
Babysitting on Wednesdays, loveeee itttt.
Doing the kids' craft booth with mah friends at the craft fair on Saturday :D
Texting Emma and Heather. Love you girls! ♥
One of my best friends is coming to Uganda with us next year!!!!!!!
Finished Mark of Athena! :D

-thumbs down-
Two of my best friends (they're sisters) are moving away!!! D':
Allegiant is still 11 days away... SO CLOSE YET SO FAR AWAY.
My cyber-friends are not my real-life friends. Meh.
I'm not even going to list all of my bookworm problems.
My button doesn't match my blog -_-


HEY!!! So as you can probably tell (duh) I REDESIGNED MY BLOG :D It took about a million years and by the time I was done (At about 11PM last night) I thought I was going to pull my hair out, but I LOVE the way it looks now :D
SO, #1. I made a links page!!! <<< click there or ^^^^ up there to see if YOU are on it! :D And if not, sowwy, you can be! just ask!
#2. Like I said up there ^ my button no longer matches my blog, but I know some people have already used it and I JUST made it. So should I make a new one, or deal with my OCD senses tingling for a while?
#3. I'm not gonna do Through my lens every week now, I've realized I don't take enough pictures for that, so I'll just throw my pictures in posts now and then and do Through my lens whenever I feel like it and have enough pictures :)
That's all folks!


Wednesday, October 9, 2013

the magic of books

pretty much my favorite thing to hold in my hands.
the excitement when I get the book I've been waiting for is sometimes too much to handle.
I have a book with me everywhere I go.
The doorway to another world.
the best way to simply check out of life for awhile.
an opportunity to live someone else's life.
Just a collection of 26 letters?
Simply a made up story?
Full of fictional characters?
Part of our lives.
Always there.
Never changing.
But shaping and reliving itself in our heads.
Making my own decisions as my eyes dance across the page.
The author isn't the only one writing the book.
It could mean something so very different to me than it does to you.
That's the magic of it all.

Books are my life,
what are they to you?


p.s. Has anyone out there finished Mark of Athena? Because I need emotional support.

Friday, October 4, 2013

ups & downs {#6}

-thumbs up-
FINALLY got to Skype with this freaking amazing girl on Monday!!!
Got our beautiful canvases from our friend moving to Ghana :D
Infinity scarves. Love them.
This weather <33333
Getting to see my littlest cousins tomorrow! 
Actually having ideas for posts! 
1,000 page views on my blog!?!?! :D THANK YOU!!!

-thumbs down-
Trying to figure out new things to redesign my blog and failing miserably.
Finding out we'll be waiting another 6 months or so before we're back in Uganda...
^^^ Missing my babies :( ^^^
Not knowing if I'll get to go to church on Sunday... :/
My baby cousins are growing up.... (Not exactly a bad thing but they're growing up too fast!! The oldest is turning 7!!!)


Well there you go!!! And thanks again for 1,000 page views AND 17 followers!!! It means the world to me!!!

Also, I'm thinking about redesigning my blog... Do you think I should or is it too soon?


Thursday, October 3, 2013

Through my lens {#5}

Through my lens {#4}


Bokeh :D

This one's my favorite :D

Are you in any of these fandoms?


Woohoo!! Lots of pictures this week!! Have I mentioned that I LOVE fall? I love the colors of the leaves, the weather, and basically everything <3

Which picture is your favorite???


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Little reasons to smile

Comfy sweaters

Taking off your boots after a long day

Falling asleep in a soft bed

Hot showers

Yummy treats once in a while

Reading all day long

Sitting outside enjoying the weather

Messy buns

Pajama pants

Making people laugh

Colorful leaves

Bare feet on hardwood floors

Listening to your favorite song

Little knick-knacks

Getting a letter in the mail

Knowing someone loves you


Don't forget to smile today!


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Hello October.

Hello October,

It's about time you got here.

What will you bring this year?


October means colorful trees

October means bonfires and smores.

October means Halloween and super hero costumes. ( ;) )


October means scarves and boots.

October means a special friendship anniversary... 

October means one month until my birthday. (Okay, one and a half right now)

October means marking one year since the start of an insane journey we took last year..

October means pumpkin patches!

October means my little cousins' birthdays... They're growing up too fast!!!

what does October mean for you?